Governor Bans Internet Video Conversations

Governor Bans Internet Video Conversations

Wretched Gitmore, Governor of Myshowagain, has gotten even tougher on enforced social distancing during the current pandemic. Following protests over her previous executive orders requiring state residents to stay inside unless on essential business (not even going into your own yard), forbidding any and all “non-essential” travel (even to your own property), and having stores rope off “non-essential” items (such as seeds for food gardens), she has extended her bans on activities she considers risky.

Now the governor has signed an order banning conversations conducted over the Internet. This includes platforms such as Facetime, Skype, and Zoom, as well as VOIP (Voice Over Internet Protocol) telephone service.

During the news conference where the governor announced the new restrictions, a reporter questioned the logic of banning real-time communication which does not involve personal presence. “Aren’t these platforms safer than meeting face-to-face?”

“We must be vigilant about any avenue of infection,” Gitmore answered. “Everyone knows that viruses are spread on the Internet.”

The reporter followed up with, “If someone has a VOIP phone number, how are they supposed to communicate with friends and family?”

“Tell them to get a landline phone,” Gitmore retorted.

After an anonymous tip, Buzzard Circle checked official records. Gov. Wretched Gitmore has recently purchased shares of the largest landline telephone company in Myshowagain.

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SATIRE ALERT: This story is satire. Do not treat it as real news.

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