Signs at the Cross Roads

 Signs at the Cross Roads

An anti-religious activist group has filed suit against Virtue County in Idaho, asking for the removal of common traffic signs. The suit, filed in the United States District Court for the District of Idaho in Pocatello by Vanquish Vestigial Venerations (V3) alleges that these signs are offensive to some residents of the mostly rural county because they promote a particular religion. According to the suit, displaying a cross on a public sign encourages veneration of an out-dated religious symbol, a vestige of superstition.

In Sanity, the county seat, Sam Bates, the County Engineer for Virtue County, blasted the lawsuit as frivolous and unwarranted, unfounded in fact, and bigoted. “If this was such a serious concern to them, why didn’t they file this suit in a county with more crossroads?” he said. “I can only think of two reasons why Virtue County is the defendant in this suit. First, they object to the county’s name. Second, we are a sparsely populated county with a small budget and cannot afford to fight a lawsuit like this without outside help.”

V3 spokesperson Kant B. Leeve says the county can settle the lawsuit by redesigning the signs that warn of an intersection ahead. “There has to be some way of iconizing an intersection without using a cross.” When asked if there were any viable alternative designs, Leeve responded, “That’s their problem. They’re the ones who started using the signs. Our mission is to vanquish all vestiges of veneration to totally free society from ancient superstitions. This is only the beginning. When we win this case, we will go on and eradicate all crosses from public roads.” He handed out a “NO CROSS” flyer.

While he talked, Leeve kept rubbing a jade amulet hanging from a chain around his neck.

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SATIRE ALERT: This story is satire. Do not treat it as real news.